Sunday, 1 April 2018

A No-Maj Ponders Potter: The Chamber Of Secrets

Do you remember my 20-year-old godson who'd never seen the Harry Potter films? Two weeks ago he spoke about the Philosopher's Stone and this week he has returned with Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)!

Harry Potter is back home with his uncles. This time they aren't as much fun but a lot crueler even though the introductory scenes are rather comical because of Dobby, who stuffs a cake in the face of a woman. Harry's uncles think that is his responsibility so they lock him in the bedroom to not cause any more inconvenience. They are partly right, since he's so powerful after all and he can't move a cake? I believe he could have done more so the old woman wouldn't have gotten all dirty.

During Harry's imprisonment, Ron and two of his brothers appear driving their father's flying car and use it to pull the bars out of the window of Harry's room to save him. Harry is welcomed into the Weasleys'. After a short period there, they end up traveling to Diagon Alley setting fire to a chimney but the main character ends up in a land of crazy people. In this place everyone has a hunchback and looks very closely at other people. Coincidentally, Hagrid is also there and he ends up pointing the way to the Weasleys. After Harry lands on the cover of a magazine and receives some books as a reward, they prepare their return to Hogwarts. At the station everyone can enter the hidden platform, except for the young man with glasses and his redhead friend who bump against a wall and catch the attention of many people. They then choose to take Ron's father's car and fly to Hogwarts as an alternative to the train ride. As they don't know how to drive flying cars, they end up landing on a tree that moves and the teachers of the school get quite annoyed. For these mischieves they end up being both punished and Ron also receives a paper that scorns him.

During his punishment, Harry, while helping the new teacher respond to his admirers' letters of, starts hearing voices in his head. His colleagues think he's kind of nuts. It is also at this point that I develop my theory about Professor Lockhart that I'll tell you about later. The three main characters find the caretaker's petrified cat, wet floor and graffitis on the wall. They are accused of the graffiti and the cat's petrification, but nobody talks about the wet floor! Since no one has evidence against them, nothing happens, but everyone keeps an eye on them.

Later, they had a lesson that consisted of one of the most classic games of spoiled children: turning pets into glasses. During this lesson they also become aware of the existence of the Chamber of Secrets. There's a sort of battle between Harry and Draco on a dining room table. Incredibly, instead of putting an end to such antics, the teachers still find it amusing and engage on it. Would they come to my house to do spells on the table where people eat and I would give them some battle! At some point, one of the kids sends a snake to the table and the other begins to try to charm it! A good slap on their butts is how they should have been punished because you do don't sutff like that in the place where the meals are eaten! Of course, one of the teachers is also sick of this joke and sets fire to the snake to finish once and for all with the filth. Snakes are dirty animals, and if it's already reprehensible that people put their feet on the table, what about a snake whose feet are the full length of its body?!

The trio of friends decided that to get more information about the chamber of secrets, it was essential to be masked as fat. I don't know to what extent a fat man has more access to confidential information than a skinny one. No one will be able to take this out my head, but before they went to talk to Malfoy, I believe they were enjoying the fact that they had their stomach temporarily expanded to eat all sorts of sweets. Hence the pain of the stomach of the right fat man and the short time that the potion was active. They spent all the time baling on treats and then didn't have time to do the actual work! Harry and Ron find the blank diary of Tom Marvolo Riddle. People find it very amusing to give blank notebooks on Christmas and then kids use them to clog the sink since they don't like to write and almost flood an entire school! At the end of the movie, Harry manages to kill a giant snake and save Ron's sister's life.

Some of the characters that caught his attention in this film:

“Snape: I still think Snape is a bad lot. When Harry and Ron arrived at Hogwarts, he was quick to snitch them to Dumbledore. And later, he chose Malfoy to play spells against the Potter, in which they made each other fly with wand blows.

Lockhart: He's the new vain Hogwarts teacher. It is clear that Lockhart is a writer with many fans who get carried away by their stories of danger and adventure. In other words, he's a swaggerer. I always suspect characters who play pretty-man role. Such a blond and brave man, full of fans, has to have some flaw but at this point in the film still didn't raise any suspicions. When Harry Potter gets punished with Lockhart, he begins to hear voices and it's here that I develop my theory about this daring teacher! Obviously, with the death of the nice Professor Quirrell, Voldemort needed to find some way to upset Potter. Well, all the seemingly appetizing and masculine men in the movies have an embarrassing secret, with a few exceptions in action films. It was clear to me what Lockhart's secret was: The Professor had also caught Voldemort in his bald head! Watching his head, we can see that he actually wears a little toupee on top of Voldemort so no one will notice! It would be unlikely that a man of that age still had a large, well-treated blonde hair. Using wigs promotes sweat accumulation at the nape of the neck, a propitious environment to fungi and malefic wizards. Throughout the film we realise that, in addition to hiding the killer of Harry Potter's parents in the hairstyle, he is also a crook when it comes to all his knowledge and achievements!
(I'm going to make a couple of suggestions to Dumbledore and Hogwarts in general: First of all, hire a new scout to find teachers, since it's already the second time that the current one hires teachers with Voldemort in their head. Secondly, since you're so good, at least make up some ointment to put on your head to prevent Voldemort's appearance!)
Lockhart is an expert on the memory charm spell, and this is how he managed to steal the stories of other wizards without being caught. At the end of the movie, he tries to erase Harry and Ron's memory but Ron's wand sent the spell back and it was Lockhart himself that ended up being charmed and got a bit daft.

Voldemort: After all, he wasn't hidden in anyone's bald spot in this movie. The mighty sorcerer took the form of a young man of fifty years ago. This was an astute decision and now his behaviours are unpredictable. We realize how bad Voldemort is when he tries to blame Hagrid and his pet spider for opening the chamber of secrets.

The Malfoys: Both father and son are already annoying me and I hope that in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban they receive their due punishment even though I find it hard to believe.

In conclusion, this is a film that doesn't disappoint. The viewer spends two hours watching Harry Potter run on wet ground and in the end he finally slides and falls. It has a slightly more intricate plot than the previous chapter but even so, I think I managed to understand almost everything. This time Voldemort was not in anyone's bald spot, which puts me in a difficult position to predict his next whereabouts.”

Don't miss out on his next review about the Prisoner of Azkaban! If you haven't read the previous one so far, you can find it over here:

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