Sunday, 3 June 2018

A No-Maj Ponders Potter: The Order of the Phoenix

My godson and his journey through the Harry Potter movies are back! This time he brings us his review of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)!

Harry Potter is now old enough to play football but prefers to go swinging instead. He is, therefore, mocked by his cousin and when he's ready to start punishing him, rain starts to pour down and they have to find shelter in a tunnel where Dementors appear. But Harry Potter, using magic, manages to save himself and his cousin. Then some old lady, Potter's neighbour, appears and says she was instructed by Dumbledore to watch over the wizard prodigy. I'd like to leave here a remark about the work of the old woman who, for a bodyguard, wasn't even able to draw her wand to prevent the monsters sucking the face of two teenagers. On a private security scale I believe the traditional "gorillas" would do a better job of punching the vile creatures.

The main character then returns to his uncles' home where he receives a letter from the ministry informing him that he's been expelled from Hogwarts for doing the magic that saved his life. I know people who would love this card system to be real so they could send angry messages from a distance. When the uncles leave the house, Harry is rescued by the drunk professor and a few of his mates. One of them wears a funnel in his head so he's either escaped from a psychiatric institution or is the man from the "Wizard of Oz".

Harry spends the night at the Order of the Phoenix headquarters and the next day he goes to a sort of trial where he'll be confronted with the irregularities he practiced against the Dementors. I thought that Harry Potter, alone against a "judge" who had been bribed by Lucius Malfoy, would automatically be doomed, but suddenly Dumbledore appears in his defense. I'm not sure about his attorney fees but I don't think they'll be cheap. I believe Potter will have spent a small part of his parents' fortune to hire a lawyer in this category.

Acquitted of all charges, he returns to Hogwarts where he learns about the arrival of a new teacher, a lady who at his hearing and tried to expel him from Hogwarts. It soon becomes apparent that her teaching methods are quite different from the other teachers. Students should only learn the theory because, in the opinion of the teacher and the ministry, there is no need for more than that. The teacher starts gaining power at Hogwarts, which makes me deeply angry, anxious and hopeful that Harry will quickly cast a spell on her to put her in order!

Harry then joins a small team to play spells against Voldemort's team. The Dumbledore Army squad has a few stars but most of them are people that don't know how to work with their wands. In order to make things a bit more balanced, Potter organizes training sessions in a secret room to create routines in the team and thus wining. At the end of the movie we watched the most exciting battle so far and the long-awaited use of stronger spells. Dumbledore, who's supposed to be a great sorcerer, is playing with water balls while a disheveled woman kills Sirius Black.

Now about the characters in this movie:

She's probably the most irritating person in the history of the cinema, whenever she appears on the screen I have to clench both my fists and teeth, muttering imperceptible enraged things. For about two hours I was eager for justice. So many people in that school and no one has a clue how to put her in line? If they aren't able to think of new and innovative methods of humiliating teachers what kind of students are these? At least get her coat on fire! It worked with Snape! I always complained about my primary school class but the truth is that if some of my classmates were to be magical, at least one pushpin in Dolores's chair was certain! When the viewer thinks he can not get angrier and is already chewing the popcorn so hard that he doesn't even feel the corn kernels, the school continuum develops a crush on the teacher and they start a kind of double to control Harry Potter and ban everything and anything else at that school. At this point I can no longer express anger in words. I will then pause while I count to ten and take a deep, slow breath...

At his age he should have gained a little bit of judgment and not be involved in silly and childish plays such as not talking to Harry Potter. She won't even look at him! I don't know if they're angry at each other or what happened, but with Voldemort gaining ground, I don't think it's wise to go through half of the movie with his back turned.

As final thoughts I can only say:
Now that's what I'm talking about! I have been repeatedly asking for more powerful spells and now I've finally seen something. In the final battle you can already see some seemingly powerful spells. And the "good" side already has good spells and is gaining quality by the movie. Ignoring the sad death of Sirius Black, I was glad to realize that there is a chance the Hogwarts school will defeat Voldemort.

Don't miss out on his next review on the Half-Blood Prince! If you haven't read the previous ones so far, you can find them over here:

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